Saturday, April 10, 2010


My heart is filled with such sadness. I can picture them finding your body at the bottom of the cliff and wondering was it suicide or did something else happen? I wish there was a way to comfort my other friends who are dealing with your loss but since you were closer to them I feel ashamed I feel such a loss. You and I were recently had a new friendship but we shared very intimate things about one another, one of them our depression and eating disorder. You heart was kind and mine was not at times.

I remember the next day feeling like I over talked to you about your situation and I feel ashamed. I apologized the next day and you were very understand and comforting in telling me it was all really ok and not to worry my head with such thoughts. Thank you. I am upset that my other friend wasn't honest with me about what you were going through but I guess they felt that since we weren't best friends I didn't deserve to know. Maybe I could have helped you some how.

When I pause to think about the fact that your lungs will never again fill with air, that no one will ever see your smile and that you will never again see the sunrise when out camping; my eyes fill with tears knowing that it could have been me that felt as you did. We carry a lot of similarities and knowing that u have ended your life because of them scares me that I too might be capable of such an act. We're not 100% on the suicide, or was it foul play?

I still feel really guilty that my heart hurts so bad.