Morning everyone, I slept like crap. I haven't been to the gym in two days and I can really feel that my body was restless last night. So this morning I made my high carb/protein mix of Oatmeal to get me fueled for my Zumba class at Golds Gym today.







So I got these two items forom Natural Grocers yesterday and if someone would have told me what a pain in the ass it is to stir Natural Almond butter I would have purchased the one that said no stiring required. I had that in my oatmeal along with my new Agave Nectar in Blueberry flavor. I also Got it in Hazelnut that my husband liked after he asked me to make him my "awesome oats" that look good but yet the pleasure of trying. He loved it and told me he was surprised how filling it was. He told me how proud he is of me and then gave me a big hug that I was annoyed about because I was putting dishes in the dish waser. LOL

Tonight were doing my birthday celebration and I am not sure where we are going to eat or what movie I am going to pick. I am craving fish or I would like to try a really good sushi place. Will Have to do some research.

Hope everyone has an awesome and I will post later. Lots of Love.

BTW, I don't want to fake like I am with out slip ups. Even tho I made my own pizza, it still triggered me to purge. So, I now know that Pizza will be a "no touchy" food. Because of it I started feeling weak and I had a hyperglycemic attacked and had to eat a Luna bar, yougart and an orange to get my sugars back up. Felt better after.

I am currently a member at Golds Gym and I just love it. For the first time today I went to one of the aerobic classes they offer and it was amazing; it is called Body Balance and it is a mixture of Yogs poses and Thai Chi. This was more challenging than I imagined it to be, but it was very liberating. My body felt strong for the first time in a long time and I had the energy to do the 55min class and go 20min on the elliptical.

This is the down side to my night,all the exercise left me starving; so something I felt amazing about was quickly followed by a binge at dinner and a purge followed quickly after. I loath this feeling of failure and at times I don't really care. I rather eat all of this and taste it's salty goodness go down my tongue and into my stomach than go with out. I know some day I will be able to have that same feeling and stop when I am satisfied with out ed telling me to just keeping going, its no big deal, we will just get rid of it after.

On to another topic, I am starting my new sleep schedule tonight since I am starting my college classes again tomorrow. I am kind of looking forward to starting class again but also know that it will take up my allotted time for my binge/purge sessions. How pathetic I am; waking up every morning with a plan for the food I will conquer that day; all the time I waste everyday stuffing my stomach and just flushing it all away. If only the ed part of my brain would just lop its self off and flush down that porcelain bowl along with all my negative feelings.