Monday, January 18, 2010


I am currently a member at Golds Gym and I just love it. For the first time today I went to one of the aerobic classes they offer and it was amazing; it is called Body Balance and it is a mixture of Yogs poses and Thai Chi. This was more challenging than I imagined it to be, but it was very liberating. My body felt strong for the first time in a long time and I had the energy to do the 55min class and go 20min on the elliptical.

This is the down side to my night,all the exercise left me starving; so something I felt amazing about was quickly followed by a binge at dinner and a purge followed quickly after. I loath this feeling of failure and at times I don't really care. I rather eat all of this and taste it's salty goodness go down my tongue and into my stomach than go with out. I know some day I will be able to have that same feeling and stop when I am satisfied with out ed telling me to just keeping going, its no big deal, we will just get rid of it after.

On to another topic, I am starting my new sleep schedule tonight since I am starting my college classes again tomorrow. I am kind of looking forward to starting class again but also know that it will take up my allotted time for my binge/purge sessions. How pathetic I am; waking up every morning with a plan for the food I will conquer that day; all the time I waste everyday stuffing my stomach and just flushing it all away. If only the ed part of my brain would just lop its self off and flush down that porcelain bowl along with all my negative feelings.