How did i go from this little girl
To this beautiful person
Only to end up with my head in a toilet the majority of my day. I promise myself that I will get better. I can do this. I am beautiful inside and out and my children deserve all of me.
To those that I have hurt I am sorry.
To one person in particular; I have hurt you more then I would ever allow someone to hurt me; you have stuck by me even though you don't understand. You love me despite my infidelities, drinking, manic fits of rage, neglect, and embarrassing moments when I break down a cry.
You understand that when i eat massive amounts of food and disappear shortly after that I really don't want to be doing what I am about to do. I am sorry I got mad at you at the mall for throwing away the food you were done with; I know why you did it and I know you don't understand why I was so angry. Thank you for getting up in the middle of the night to comfort me when I am crying because I was about to go raid the cabinets. I am sorry you work as hard as you do to support our family only for me to turn around and dishonor you. I am sorry that I have put our relationship and our kids last in my life.
I am so sorry. I love you. I know you will never read this but I hope that I can show you what you mean to me. I am going to work more on this, I promise. I will no longer measure my self worth by the number on the scale or by the size of my jeans, but by the way I feel, how often I smile, laugh, cry and really feel my emotions. I promise to honor you by taking care of me so that we can grow old together and be here for our grand children. I promise to honor my heart and remind myself that were in this together and even tho you don't understand, you still care.
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