another emotional day. Reading blogs about people being happy, having ED, exersize, everything but my school work, hanging with my kids, or cleaning. I am really depressed again, tired, crying all the time and worn out; however super excited to weigh less again this morning. How freaking lame and disgusting am I?
To top it all off, I keep biting my lip on the inside in the exact same spot and it is always at the end of a binge. I need help, im lonely, scared, and pathetic. Taking the rest of the week off from the gym in hopes to reset myself. I almost feel like cutting again. sigh..
UPDATE:
So I was going to lay down and take a nap with Alissa, but got a phone call that i can't because I have to go get Bowen from school; would have been no big deal if I wasn't already in my bed cuddling with her. Naturally I broke down and just started sobbing. Gosh I am so angry and I don't even know why. Really I am just FUCKING PISSED. I haven't been to the gym this week, not once. I know he knows I am feeling depressed, but he doesn't ask me about it. I know he knows I was in my room last night binging but as long as I don't bother his stupid fucking call of duty time then he will let me sit here and kill myself. My fault for being in a relationship with someone who also has an addictive personality. Yes I cussed on here, and if you don't like it, you 2 can fuck off. Not going to censor myself on my own blog anymore.
Witht hat said, I am hateful and spiteful today. I am most the time but hide it from everyone. No, I don't want to talk to god about it. No, I don't feel like he will help me and no I am not really sure what is wrong otherwise don't you think I would let it all go?
I also think its funny how I think one of these people picture below is beautiful and the other disgusting beyond belief! Both suffering from an eating disorder, one more sever then the other. Feel incredibly guilty.
So I was going to lay down and take a nap with Alissa, but got a phone call that i can't because I have to go get Bowen from school; would have been no big deal if I wasn't already in my bed cuddling with her. Naturally I broke down and just started sobbing. Gosh I am so angry and I don't even know why. Really I am just FUCKING PISSED. I haven't been to the gym this week, not once. I know he knows I am feeling depressed, but he doesn't ask me about it. I know he knows I was in my room last night binging but as long as I don't bother his stupid fucking call of duty time then he will let me sit here and kill myself. My fault for being in a relationship with someone who also has an addictive personality. Yes I cussed on here, and if you don't like it, you 2 can fuck off. Not going to censor myself on my own blog anymore.
Witht hat said, I am hateful and spiteful today. I am most the time but hide it from everyone. No, I don't want to talk to god about it. No, I don't feel like he will help me and no I am not really sure what is wrong otherwise don't you think I would let it all go?
I also think its funny how I think one of these people picture below is beautiful and the other disgusting beyond belief! Both suffering from an eating disorder, one more sever then the other. Feel incredibly guilty.
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