I have decided to start this entry off differently today with the theme of ZERO NEGATIVITY! I believe this can be accomplished.
With that said, I got a good nights rest last night and I am thankful for it. I was starting to become quite moody from being woken up several times a night for the past four nights. When ever I think of having another child I remember what it was like to go with out sleep and the thought quickly leaves my mind.
I started my college classes again yesterday, and although it looks like it is going to be a challenging semester I am looking forward to learning and writing some awesome papers!
I took some time last night to look over old pictures of myself; not only did I closely judge every single part of my body in every single picture, I also looked at my face closely; what kind of expression did I see? Was my face happy, sad, excited, tired? Looking back at the pictures and remembering those moments made me realize that when I was a size 10 or a 12 I was happy,despite my weight I was living my life and making memories and being a good mom. It made me happy to see those pictures and know that it is possible for ME to BE that person again, or better yet that I AM that person under all this bull crap I have piled on top of myself!
Feels good to write from a positive perspective today! I am also VERY excited about my yoga/Thai Chi class at 4:30 today!
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GOALS/MOTIVATIONS
I decided to start writing my goals and motivations to get healthy at the end of my blogs even if the blog is negative. In order for my recovery to be successful this will be required of me everyday. My goals/motivations are as followed for today:
- Keep at least one whole meal in my stomach
- Get at least one of my class homework assignments done
- say something good about the way I look
- Go to my Yoga Class and continue to nourish my body from the inside out.
- Look at my children and remind myself that if I am not here there is no one I feel that is qualified to love them the way that I do!
- Stay Sober. Me not drinking is what will make my recovery possible and that alcohol is a substance I use to make myself feel better about my eating disorder.
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